Even the bartender felt bad for me
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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