Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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