Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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