shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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