Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
