On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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