You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
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The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
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Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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