well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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