I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
