You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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