His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
