All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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