At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
