I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
