if i can run in heels then i can drive
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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