Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
