News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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