you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
