I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
