I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
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He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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