i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
