so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
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