seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
