well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
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on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
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My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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