He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
