out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
