im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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