I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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