dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
zippers are such a cool invention
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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