youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
