If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
