Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
