hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
