his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
