he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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