The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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