Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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