she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
