Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
