He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
