I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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