I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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