Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm sobbing to NWA
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
