Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
