your room smells of hookers.
And success
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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