Umm I'm too high to move.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
