why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i will never coherently bang her
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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