If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
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they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
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You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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