in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
