Your dad touched me again.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
