just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
