I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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