brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
