I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
