OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You can't motorboat a personality
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
