Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
