he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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