i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
